I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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