I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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