dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
