how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
