I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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