did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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