this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
