Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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