so explain again why im purple
no
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
