Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize