Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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