If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
