I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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