Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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