A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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