If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
