I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
