Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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