Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
