I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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