i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
