What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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