Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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