I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
