You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
