watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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