watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
