i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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