It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
