I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
