I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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