Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
