I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
