This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
