things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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