how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I touched a dick in church today
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
