Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
