rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
