The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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