Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
