Jerry, you need to find god
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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