I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
