Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
