I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
