nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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