I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
