As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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