I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
