I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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