Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
