you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize