Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
