I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
