i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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