Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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