Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
