Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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