this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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