can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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