So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
