She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
