You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
