I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
