did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
