Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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