there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
