I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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