Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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