Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
